It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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