Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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