As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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