i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
