Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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