Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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