Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
