i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
