So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
