Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
