Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
