thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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