On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
