it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
that's an acceptable place to lick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
