singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
