He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
