I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
