I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
