True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
