Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
last night I used snow as a chaser
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
