FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
