the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
