the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize