You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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