keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
