explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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