Whod you bang
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
