this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
