girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
