Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
