You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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