So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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