so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
