so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize