I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
