you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
