How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
