i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
