I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
