Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
