just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
