wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
