Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize