Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
