He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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