Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
