so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
