covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
