everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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