Your face is a jimmy john
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize