Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this is an emotional support booty call
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
