dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
