I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
