Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
