We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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