We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
