I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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