I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
