Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I supernannyed him into submission
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
