he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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