how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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