i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
