So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
