I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
