im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
