I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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