I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
