Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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