to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
