If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
