How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
