Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
